Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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