if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
