I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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