I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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