I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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