I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
