Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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