if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
