If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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