i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
