I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize