After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
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