i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were trust falling into bushes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
