dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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