like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
vagina is talking i cant
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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