Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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