I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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