Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
