just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
