can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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