so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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