I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
