after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
