Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
