Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
