So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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