is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
