so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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