Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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