I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
