took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
