Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
