ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
