One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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