feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
