We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
