it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm bleeding and have questions
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
