you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
