When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
