my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
