tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A+ Viking dick
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
