I could have mohawked her pubes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
