there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
