This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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