someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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