I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
