if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
