I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
