I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
