i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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