We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
