it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize