I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
