this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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