We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
