Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
