its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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