Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
