Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize