I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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