She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
