I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
