similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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