i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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