I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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