Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
