She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
