you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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