What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
