i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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