you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
