why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So much rum. So many feels.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
