everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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