Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
