oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
