i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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