dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
