Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
