who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
