I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
