Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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