i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
