I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
