if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
