I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
