Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize