did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
